Nanny Blues

So....Me and my husband have been getting on a lot better of late.....that was until the ugly 'issue' of the current childcare issues came to light again.

Since I went back to work, my mother has been watching my son. I went back when he was 9 months old (roughly) and there have been a few bumps in the road since she started caring for him. Me and my husband disagree on a lot of things to do with my Mom. She interferes with things that she doesn't need to interfere with. And she can be a bit (or a lot) smothering when it comes to our son.

It started with simple things like letting him play with inappropriate toys (small dinky toys when he was under 1 years old, or toys with lots of removable parts), this had my husband in knots.....He told me (in his trying-not-to-be-annoyed-but-I-am-annoyed tone) that he wasn't happy with our little dude playing with these items. If I am honest, then neither did I.....he was going through a stage of putting things in his mouth all the time, so we worried about choking....obviously.

I was the one who mentioned it to my Mom, but this isn't always an easy task. Some people accept criticism or direction and move on, but my mother argues her case (This is where I get this trait from....but more about me later)....whatever the situation. For example, I said....Me and S don't like you letting E play with those things. In stead of saying, 'Ok, it is your decision.' Or even....'Yes, you are right'......then its more of my Mom trying to convince me that I am overreacting...and that she is doing nothing wrong.

Well, this has been going on for over 12 months....(longer)....little things.....like feeding him way too many 'treats' - giving him greasy foods for lunch.....or cleaning my flat when I am not there and moving items so I don't know where they are.

When I mention an issue with her, then she puts up a defensive wall and acts like I am being melodramatic and that I am just picking at things. And to be honest, maybe at times she is right. I spend a large chunk of my week away from Ethan. 4 days a week for 8 hours a day I am sat in an office and imagining being home and being a full time mother. I would love to hand in my notice and be able to be the parent who gives in to 'treats'. The parent who allows her son to play with inappropriate toys.....or be able to tidy the flat more often. Its not like we live in a dump, but there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day with 2 full time jobs and spending as many of those 'precious hours' with little dude. So when it comes to tidying things away in the flat, it can sometimes be on the back burner a little.....but it is our 'back-burner'...if that makes sense.

So maybe at times I am a little hard on my mother, maybe at times I do come across as a bit 'picky' but I hate my time away from my son. I want to make decisions about his lunch or his nap time schedule or what he plays with or whether or not the flat needs hoovering, etc. I want to be the mother and wife of my home. It feels like another hen has come into my coop and is taking over the ruling of my nest.....it is hard! And its not like I can talk to her openly about how I feel, because like I mentioned before....she puts up barriers. She acts like I am silly for bringing stuff up, like I am trying to pick on her or that I am being over-sensitive, etc.

All these little things cause stress in my relationship with my husband. He doesn't get why I don't want to blow my top at my mother. He doesn't have the same feelings as me because its not his Mom. He feels that I should be harder and more abrupt with her so that she knows how I feel....but I always worry about hurting her feelings. Maybe that is part of the problem. My mother isn't a bad person, but she does do things without really thinking of others. She thinks shes doing well by moving my things around in the flat (for example) but to me it feels like she doesn't think that I can do it myself. It comes across as....'you aren't capable of cleaning up, so I will do it for you.'

I hate to sound like I am bitching about my mom and generally I would let a lot of the stuff above just ride on by....even if I do argue with my other half....but today......today was a major booo booo on my mothers part! She did wrong and I feel guilty for going off at her.....but angry at her at the same time.....

Here's what happened.....