Being a Mother

Tuesday 22nd March at 9:15pm by the help of a caesarean, I gave birth to a gorgeous 7lb 13oz baby boy who had hardly any hair and who was wrinkly and ugly, but so very cute.

As I had been drugged up on anaesthetic, then I couldn't hold him for a while. Basically this was because my whole body wouldn't function properly. My arms and legs felt like jelly and I was wheeled around in my bed until 24 hours later (which meant a very unsightly uncomfortable visitor; the catheter....but we won't talk about that... :S)

It was a good 7 hours after the birth before I was finally handed my son. I was wheeled down to the ward at 4am in the morning and he was laid in my arms as they pushed me down the corridors. I will always remember that first look he gave me. He was quite cranky sounding in his cot, and didn't appear to settle. I assume he was royally pissed off with his exit from the warm womb where he had been for 10 months. He was placed in my arms still restless and then he looked at me...and he frowned; a little new crease forming in his brow. He looked at me for some time, no longer moaning or appearing restless. I think he knew that I was his mother and that I was there to protect him. We both stared at one another, taking each other in and I was overcome with happiness. I couldn't stop smiling. Yes, I was worn out and very disorientated from the surgery and drugs, but this moment; the moment when Ethan was laid in my arms...It is one of the best moments of my life.

The picture up above was taken within the first hour of his life. He appears ill-looking, but I think the trama of the birth took its toll. Ha.

But he is still cute and so so tiny. It makes me feel quite emotional when I look back at this picture, because I feel like I missed a lot of the first 2 months of his life. I struggled getting into the role of mother. The first couple of weeks (probably about 4 in total) I cant seem to recall much of. The days and nights wound into one and I was tired all the time. I loved looking after Ethan and never got frustrated at it, but I felt like a zombie most of the time in the beginning and I think I was only partly awake. It helped that I could find support from my husband....and my mom.

Its weird when I look back at my first few weeks of being a new mom. Ethan is now approaching 9 months of age and it seems like the birth happened years ago....not in this same year! - I love every hair on his head and love how developed he is now...but the first couple of weeks....they were hard!

But....they were so worth it!

He is worth it!